Dec 19

The Day the Internet Broke

It did, but that’s besides the point.

After a busy week, today was like a cherry stuck on top of a melting sundae. The stress built and built until I was one of those sweaty, crazed, snarky, snappy moms that I hate.

I had consult after consult, all of which I love to do. But it seems that peoples’ needs come in big batches. WordPress 3.6 came out. The Internet crashed. I also had an enormous project today and was with a client for over three hours.

Oh yes, and my kids had an improv showcase this morning and a performance tonight. This meant all their meals were earlier than usual, I needed to find jazz shoes, do hair into tight buns, and apply makeup.

Meanwhile, some random problem with Hostmonster, Bluehost, Inhost, Justhost, Dreamhost, and Fuckhost meant that a ton of blogs were down. Guess who gets the phone calls when that happens?

Me.

Precariously I was keeping it all in place, not bothering to check my own sites. I threw food at the kids while answering the phone. In a moment of stupidity, I accidentally didn’t divide the cookies evenly.

You heard me. THE COOKIES WEREN’T DIVIDED EVENLY.

It was anarchy. There was stealing, punching, screaming, and fast-and-furious stuffing of cookies by various children. I couldn’t take it. So I said, “Guys, I’m going to walk the dog. I’ll figure it out when I get back.”

I left three very on edge screaming children in the house while I walked the dog. I knew it was going to be survival of the fittest, which meant Eden would kick everyone’s ass. But I didn’t care.

Not my most stellar moment.

When I came back, I could see the three of them, outside on the front lawn, arms crossed, waiting for me. I wasn’t even in the doorway when the yelling began….

“But Mom I didn’t…!”

“But he said…!”

“Well she had the choice…!”

Honestly, I have no idea what I said. Maybe it was nothing. I think I ordered them to all vomit up their portion of the cookies so I could redivide it evenly.

That idea fell flat.

We all recovered in time for Pirates of Penzanze, which was great! They did a fantastic job. And then I went an ate a sandwich out at a restaurant, alone. Hoping I could drown my bad day in a turkey and stuffing sandwich with french fries and a glass of wine.

Now I have indigestion.

Oh well, there’s always tomorrow.

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